So, having been a resident of Dublin for just over 5 weeks now, I am slowly but surely learning the tricks of the trade. Here my friends are a few unofficial rules I have come to acknowledge in order to keep sane (and avoid the blame) when going about your business in the big smoke.
1. Traffic light turning red is a signal to put your foot on the accelerator and speed up. Approximately 5 seconds after the light has turned red, it is still acceptable to carry out the same process.
2. If you are a pedstrian, take note of point number one.
3. When using public transport, it is compulsary to accessorise your look with an ipod, iphone and/or ipad. The customary novel is a thing of the past, it seems.
4. Never look a beggar in the eye. They will try to steal something whilst you do.
5. If you're doing a vox-pop in the city centre, you may as well have leprosy. People will undoubtedly avoid you like the plague.
6. If you have a northern reg, police will also avoid you like the plague.
7. If Bachelor's Sugar-free beans are on offer...there is a reason why. Bleugh.
8. Taxis (not unlike Harry Wormwood), own electrical devices that allow their meters to shoot up after every pot-hole and bend in the road. Don't be surprised to find a 4 euro add-on fee to put your handbag in the boot.
9. The 2euro store dosn't have a patch on Poundland.
10. Good phone deals don't exist, and if you get 100 minutes and 100texts for 60euro a month it's considered a bargain.
11. Living in a quiet residential area of South Dublin is no reason to expect your car to be safe at night.
12. When it say "look left" on the road, don't forget to also look right, you never know what eejit cyclist will have decided to cycle the wrong way.
13. Keep money with you at all times, you will have to pay for parking on a secluded street at 4am on a Sunday morning.
14. If you looking for cheap entertainment, head down to the district courts. A. N. Other, of no fixed abode, with 143 previous convictions, will never fail to provide a laugh.
15. At around a euro a sip, savour every last drop of your pint.
16. When all is said and done, take a moment to savour the beauty, charisma, the culture and sheer uniqueness of the fair city. You are one lucky fecker.
True, reckon I could add a few...make sure you have a look on your face that shows you are considerably richer than everyone else and significantly more "alternative" in a way that people with normal intelligence would find hard to comprehend, o right you were being ironic...asshole!
ReplyDeleteNeed some photos Shirlz to complete effect. :-)
Nice work though!